Atheist Hemant Mehta of FriendlyAtheist.com wrote out a lift of 20 things that annoy him when he does go to church. I liked the list. Many of these things annoy me too. Many of these things are why I am a Presbyterian! We like to do things in an orderly fashion for HIS glory. Hat tip: Gunny.
I've added my comments in bold maroon. Here is Hemant's post:
I've added my comments in bold maroon. Here is Hemant's post:
Between the eBay auction and writing the book, I’ve been to many different churches in the the past year. This is a compilation of the things I’ve seen and heard in the churches that simply annoy me. I’m sure they annoy other Christians as well. They detract from what could be a very positive message. It’s not a complete list by any means, so feel free to comment and add to the list!
(By the way, for those who think this list is too “anti-Christian,” the next list will be much kinder to them. Trust me.)
- Wave their hands in front of my face making it impossible to see the stage.
(Will you put your hands down? I get it. They’re singing a song. I’m happy, too. Use your mouths, people. Jesus doesn’t love you any more because your hands are in the air.) I strongly agree. I often wonder if these people are their to worship and focus on Jesus, or to have everyone look at them! - Yell out random words (“Praise Jesus,” “Hallelujah!”) while I’m trying to listen to the sermon.
(You agree with the pastor. We understand this. But just say it in your head or nod silently.) On the surface, this can be inspiring to a preacher because it shows that the people are listening. But after a while, it's chatter. Most of the time I'm so focused on what I'm preaching that I don't notice the crowd at all. After all, it's God's word that is to be preached, not my ego to be soothed. In view of that, just silently nod and sing the Amen chorus at the end of worship with more enthusiasm. That is why we put it there. - Walk in after the music— or worse yet, the sermon— has started.
(If it’s not that important for you to be on time, just stop showing up.) Very good point. As I heard Bruce Waltke say about those who are late, that they are very selfish and self centered because they don't see the service as more important than they are. - Look at me with anxiety because I’m brown. I hope that would not happen in my church... but we are a bunch of sinners saved by grace and need more grace in some areas than in others. I'm not saying it would happen, but it could...
- Look at me with excitement because I’m not white. Sorry, guilty as charged! I would like to think that the love of Christ would draw those that are not white to our congregation. At least that is my hope and prayer.
- Assume that because I know about the Bible, I must believe in the Bible.
(It’s the opposite that’s true.) No comment. - Perform a skit that is supposed to tell the day’s message.
(They’re not funny. And frankly, the kids are bad actors. Let’s get to the sermon already.) Again, another reason why I'm Presbyterian. I believe God's means of grace for reaching and edifying the people of God are the preaching of the word, prayer, the sacraments. No where in the New Testament, or the Old, do we have the giving of the silly skits by kids, bad or good actors. Jesus didn't say, "Do this bad skit in memory of me." Punt the skits, they are not a part of true worship. - Tell me I’m on the “right path” by being there.
(I was doing just fine a couple hours ago, thank you very much.) No comment. - Pass out Christian business directories.
(It’s like saying the Christian lawyer is trustworthy, but the Jew lawyer will take your money and the atheist lawyer will try to lose your case on purpose, and don’t even get me started on those brown lawyers… these directories aren’t helping me understand “Christian love.”) I agree. Plus there is the false obligation that we have to support Christian businesses because they are Christian. If you want my business, you better be the best there is. I strive to be the best pastor, I expect you to do likewise in your profession. Don't think just because you have a fish on your truck that I will do business with you. - Ask me if they can pray for me.
(If you want to, just go ahead and do it.) I think the better question would be: "how can I pray for you." - Ask me if they can pray for me, then put their hands on my shoulders and begin praying.
(Stop touching me.) I can understand that. - Mischaracterize people of other faiths or no faiths.
(“Those atheists know God is there; they just don’t want to follow His rules!” “Those Muslims really want to become Christians—to the MissionaryMobile!”) I can't say that I have ever heard that before. The Bible says that no one seeks God, so the natural tendency would be to come up with religions we can agree with, or dump it all together. - Assume that everyone who is not Christian must be “saved.”
(I’m quite alright. And stop putting your hands on my shoulder.) Again, I agree with the touching aspect. I do believe all non Christians need to be saved, however I also agree that they will not all be, and all of them want nothing to do with being saved. That is a natural position until Christ draws us. If He doesn't change our hearts, we want NOTHING to do with Him and are quite happy in that state. - Bring their children, then proceed to fall asleep during the sermon.
(If you don’t want to be there, don’t drag your kids with you.) I agree. - Say that those of other Christian denominations aren’t practicing “true” Christianity.
(”They believe in Christ… but they speak in tongues! The heretical bastards!”) The heretics! :) Jesting aside, there is a reason for denominations. I believe my denomination is the right one. If I didn't, I would go join the one that I felt best understood the Scriptures. The same is true for those in other denominations. - Look at their watches mid-sermon.
(You know this pastor goes long. If you weren’t prepared to sit through it all, you shouldn’t have come.) As I like to say, "It's the Lord's DAY, not the Lord's hour!" - Pray for things they can just as easily take care of themselves.
(You want that promotion? Then work harder. You want to pass that test tomorrow? Then go study.) Jesus has told us to ask. But we must take the human steps as well. Pray hard, work hard, study hard! - Pastors tell stories without giving citations.
(“There’s this true story of a guy who [insert random Bible-based act here]…” If it’s true, give me some actual facts.) Guilty. Sometimes the guy is me, and I just don't feel like tooting my own horn. Sometimes, the guy is in the congregation and I don't want to needlessly embarrass him. Sometimes, more often than not, I just can't remember the references because it was an unplanned illustration. I will try harder not to do this. - Pastors ask questions with obvious answers.
(“Who here believes the Lord is going to save them today?!” I think the people in church are going to say “yes.” Call it a hunch.) The joke goes that the pastor had the children down front for the children's moment in worship. He said, "children, I want to describe to you something and you tell me what it is. This thing is grey, eats nuts, lives in trees and has a furry tale. What is it?" A boy raised his hand and said, "I know the answer is Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!" Yes, questions with obvious answers do get old. - Pastors take an hour to analyze a simple, straight-forward Biblical verse.
(The verse told me to trust in God. I get it. Let’s move on.) Then there are those of us who want to take a verse, Thou shalt not steal, and say, "Don't do it! OK, let's pray!"
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